I started my career as IT specialist 10 years ago. I was a common, average worker. Career never mattered to me. One time I’ve got a promotion, and became a Team lead. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t handle it. And I for sure did not want to progress further. So I returned back to a common, average worker.
Meanwhile I was “trying to settle my family life”. I was sure I will get married, have kids, go for maternity leave, then for another, and then – oh well, you’ve missed 6 years of IT, you won’t be able to come back to IT market, you will be outdated!!! So, all I can do after is being shop assistant.
Not only I truly believed that. The saddest part is that I was preparing for it…
This is what we learn in schools, this is what all my friends do.
Man suppose to earn money, woman suppose to get married with that man. She may work if she wants. But just for fun. To get some small money for her personal needs. Or simply because man doesn’t make enough.
It is Ukrainian mentality. It is Eastern Europe and hundreds years of history. It’s not easy to even become concussions about it, and it’s not easy to overcome it.
I’ve signed up for career break-trough course with coach Mo Faul few months ago. Because despite all my beliefs, the Universe seemed to always force me to become more. My managers were forcing me to take lead positions, and each time I was PROUDLY refusing it. But a tiny little voice kept on whispering: “There must be more out there for you”
I’ve signed up for the course being desperate, unhappy and ready to quit my job and become a freelance writer. Not that being a writer is bad. I LOVE writing. But my desire was not coming from love, it was coming from fear. Fear of never being good at my current job.
Little that I knew before joining this course.
I remember on one of our first coaching calls, Mo listened to my complaints about “how bad things are at work and that I want to quit and just lie on sofa and write”. She replied: “I think you should get a promotion”
???!!! Did she not hear what I just said?
“But I don’t want to get a promotion!” – I proudly replied
“But you should get one. How we do anything – we do everything!”
I got off the call thinking: Well, she doesn’t know me! But I DO KNOW myself, and I will do what’s best for me! I will quit and write!”
“You should get a promotion!” …
“What a silly idea! Me? Promotion? I don’t want to!”
“You should get a promotion” …
“But I CAN’T get a promotion, I was never good in all 10 years!!!”
“You should get a promotion” …
“Damn it, I should get a promotion”
I DID get a promotion. Small, but very firm promotion. It opens many doors for me. People start to get to know me. Start to reach out to me. They come to me for help. They value my opinion, they respect my choice and they do think that Im doing great.
And I AM doing great.
Ever since I set the intention, everything seems to fall into place. I m getting to do the tasks where I can apply all my natural skills – writing, communicating, organizing. And recently I had a chance to apply my skills in making videos, which I enjoyed so much when I was little, but have abandoned long time ago. Law of attraction in action 🙂
For the first time in my life I want to make career. And for the first time I actually believe I can.
“We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”
Thank you Mo for not letting me play small.
Thank you Universe for sending me people who force me to grow.
What are your deepest heart desires? What makes you genuinely happy? What do YOU want from life?
My whole life I have been following dreams of others.
- Everyone is losing weight – I have to do it too! (I have 49 kilos…)
- Everyone learns programming – it will open all doors for me – Im gonna learn it too!
- Everyone gets married by 25, 30, .. – I have to get married too!
- Everyone buys a flat – damn, I still don’t have money for it – What am I going to do??? my life is over…
I never realized one simple truth. I don’t want all those things
I don’t want to buy a flat, Im not planning to stay here forever, or even if I will – it’s perfectly fine to rent a flat. Even if for the next 10 years. Even if my whole life. Maybe I will change my opinion later, but right now I DONT WANT TO BUY A FLAT.
I don’t want to just get married. I want to fall in love, have healthy and harmonious relationships, and then, and ONLY then I want to create a family. I DONT WANT FAMILY before having loving relationships.
Losing weight, oh God… With the weight of 48-50 kilo I was starving for weeks, going to the gym, and still thinking that Im fat.. Because everyone else seems to be fat too! Everybody goes to them gym to lose weight, so should I…
And damn it, I don’t want to code! Yes I am in IT. I studied Computer science. And everybody around me dreams to be a programmer. But that’s not my thing! I mean, I CAN code. I am QUITE good at it. I was learning it for a while, when I managed to FORCE myself into it. I had to make an enormous effort to study. Programmers earn good money! There is no other way to earn good money but to code! My father would be proud of me! My friends would envy me! … But one day I simply gave myself permission to not be what everyone else wants. I don’t want to be a developer. period.
Such a relief..
When I stopped wanting what others want – I started to feel my own desires. And I started to follow them.
I want to be a writer. Maybe a life coach. Maybe corporate consultant or PR manager – I dont know yet. And it’s okay not to have it figured out. I enjoy every day of discovering who am I and what is my life purpose. Im getting closer to my true self by simply following my wishes.
I want to have a cat, to write, reach out, connect, help. Bring more light around me. I want to travel , to visit Asia. I don’t want to settle.
I want to have loving relationships WITH THAT SPECIFIC PERSON. UUf, such a tabu all over the internet – NEVER wish for a specific person. But I say – go ahead and wish. Do not deny your own desires, it will just cause destructive resistance inside of you. It did cause nearly a war inside of me!
– I want him!
– No, you can’t want him, it’s written in internet, didn’t you see it? You can’t!
– Ok, I don’t want him! ….. Damn, I still do want him.
– No,no, you can’t, he has free will and everything. you cant want what you want!
Until I finally surrendered and said to myself: Yes, I want HIM. But I’m opened to other options.
Another huge relief from my shoulders.
I AM ALLOWED TO WANT WHAT I WANT!!!
Doesn’t it make you happy just by realizing this?
My life has dramatically changed since I let myself feel and put my desires first. I am real, and so my dreams are real too. They are valid, no matter how crazy, small, unimportant or unusual they may seem..
It’s okay not to be a programmer. It’s okay to be me.
My plan is to make other people laugh more. To enjoy touch, kiss, kind word, to share stories .
To discover the world, to forget about fear, to get excited and excite others, to love deeply, to forgive fast.
I plan to play games, to win, to lose, to play another game, to invite others to play with me.
To love, thrive, grow, travel, pick new jobs, pick new hobbies.
To enjoy good food, to dissolve in passion, to go for a good run. To read a new book, to get a cat, to move to Asia.
To say nice things to people, to bring love, to light up someone’s day.
To get intimate, to feel homecoming, to feel secure.
To write a book, to shoot videos, to speak in front of thousands.
To get famous, to shine, to help shine others.
To have intimate conversations, to send love messages at 3am, to cook delicious breakfast for someone.
To get best coffees, visit best places, buy best clothes, watch best movies.
To have a bubble bath, to dance, to draw, to wear a perfume.
To believe in God, to believe in miracles, to believe in me, to believe in others.
To have family dinners, unforgettable trips, to learn how to swim, to try wind surfing.
My plan for life is to feel good and to love being me ❤ ❤ ❤
There is nothing serious going on here
<inspired by Abraham Hicks teachings>
Last weekend was very intensive for me. I’ve signed up for volunteering activity, where you have one kid from dysfunctional family assigned to you, and you spend time with him on a regular basis to support him morally and to try to make him feel better, not so lost and lonely…(something like “Big brother” program).
So over a weekend we had our initial meeting with 10 other volunteers (plus coordinators and psychologist), from 9:00 to 18:00, on both Saturday and Sunday. We’ve got to know each other, told our stories and listened to the stories of kids which are in the program.
It was terrifying and.. enlightening…
Listening to horrible life stories of other volunteers. And even worse stories of innocent, but already abused kids…
After this weekend I will never be the same again.
My list of daily gratitudes sky rocketed. I finally realized that Im not the only one on this planet who has suffered as a child, and my story is far from being the “the world biggest victim” candidate . And that it’s okay to have terrible past. Most of us do. But there is ALWAYS someone who had much more on his plate than you did.
When I came there, I was sure I am the worse, the weakest, the most victimized, I still burst in tears when I speak about my family, Im simply the worse!
But once volunteers started to speak their truth, one by one, almost crying, swallowing tears just not to make a scene in front of everybody… I realized how wrong I was.
Im not the worse. I am actually quite awesome.
One guy there was on the contrary super positive and happy, living easy life and smiling a lot. When psychologist asked him – what is the biggest thing you are proud of in your life? He said – What do you mean? Im proud of everything. I graduated university, I’ve got a job, I have a nice girlfriend, I’m doing sports and dancing and I am here to help kids in my free time.
What NOT to be proud of?
I loved this…
The next day my list of daily braggings sky rocketed too.
I am proud for overcoming my childhood story. For not being sorry, not blaming anyone anymore. For working my ass off daily to be a better person. To overcome deep traumas completely on my own. Without psychologist or friends. Turning from always-a-victim to always-in-power role. From self-pity to self-love.
Im proud for getting Master’s degree in Computer science with red diploma. For helping classmates with math and programming. For living in a foreign country completely alone. For getting jobs, earning decent money, saving enough so that I can travel or buy nice things. Learning several languages, doing sports, helping people in my free time, giving money for charities, supporting my friends and family when they need me, loving deeply and fearlessly.
I am proud for cleaning my flat when I am ill. For going to work when not feeling well. For going for a run when it’s raining or too hot. Going biking when my knee still hurts from the injury. For taking care of my body, trying hard to eat healthy.
I’m proud for quitting smoking and drinking. For signing up for amazing coaching course, and having money to pay for it. For my writing skills, and for ability to inspire others.
I am proud to be me. Im proud to be where I am and to have what I have. I did it. I got it.
ALL. BY. MYSELF
So often we focus on the things which go wrong, and we forget to acknowledge what goes right. Give yourself a break. You are doing great.
Count your blessings. Count your achievements. Focus on how wonderful you perform. Recognize your smallest wins, there is so much to thank yourself for. Everybody is trying so hard, every day more, every day harder. But it’s never enough for us.
Please take a break. You are worthy of your own love. Take a break from chasing your next goal just to feel appreciated by others, and start appreciating yourself.
And realize how unspeakably awesome you already are.
This feeling. When you really really want something and dream about it day and night. And it’s not coming… When you’ve read hundreds of articles on manifesting your desires. You know how the Universe works, you know that you create your reality… You think you know it all, you’ve done the work, but it’s still nowhere close. Your deepest, truest desire is simply not coming.
You start doubting yourself, the whole Law of attraction thing, and everyone who believes in it. You start trying to trick the Universe with “So don’t bring it to me!! Never really wanted it anyway!! ” And thinking – “You see, I’ve surrendered! I have detached from the outcome! This is what was written in books! I did it well!“. And hoping: “Now it’s gonna come for sure…”
Damn, it’s still not coming, what a hell???
Am I doing it wrong? Or did all those people who tell their manifestation stories just go mad and lost connection with reality? Are those people even real?
You start doubting everything, but deep down you know the truth. The thing with spiritual awakening is that when you start the process – there is no way back. Your soul gets stronger every day, and with every day it makes it harder for your ego to take back control.
You know the truth.
Your desire is not coming because it’s not what you really want. It’s not what you need, right now or at all.
It might be that you want that specific person because he/she made you feel so loved and blessed, that you want that feeling back. Or because you think he will make you feel that way.
You think you want that job, but in fact you want it because everyone goes there. Because everyone who works on this position feels proud of himself. It is prestigious and well paid, and if you don’t get it, while your friends/collegues did – you will look like a failure. You want to feel successful, but it doesn’t mean you want that job.
Your desires are valid, and your desires to feel in a certain way are valid too.
But what if you are simply not ready for what you’ve asked for?
What if, the moment that guy walks in – you will start screaming and yelling at him that he never loved you and that he should walk away.
What if you get that job, but you can’t handle the pressure it puts on you? And in fact, you never wanted to work under pressure no matter how much they pay or how good you’ll look in the eyes of others?
What if behind that deepest desire of yours lies simple longing to feel wanted. Valuable. Loved. And your mind knows the only way – trough that particular job or that specific person.
But the Universe has so much more to offer. You never really lose. You are never rejected. You are being redirected and given an opportunity to look around and receive a better match to what you’ve asked for. Or sometimes to receive a middle step, a stepping stone on the way to your desire. To prepare you for receiving it. To grow and understand the things which will help you to handle it when your dream comes around.
Don’t rush the Universe. Don’t try to trick it. It knows what is best for you at this moment. It knows what you really long for. It knows how to deliver. Sit back in stillness and see what comes next.
Release control to God and let Him guide you trough the process. Pray:
“Dear God. If you want this desire for me – show me what to do”
And trust that whatever comes – is for your own good, and for the good of the whole world.
“Everything always works out for me and my own good”
My favorite life&career coach Mo
❤ Believe ❤
Relationships. Why do we make them so painful. Why do we still prefer war over love…
I had really difficult childhood. I lived in poverty, sometimes with no food, in constant fights, aggression, hatred, blame and pain. I grew up learning that I am nothing if I don’t get good grades. I was blamed, shamed and punished for every single step I made. Whether good or bad, it was always bad. Except for good grades. That mattered. And so I studied. I wasn’t allowed to play with other kids after school. At all. I was studying. And looking at them out of my window. I believed that they are better than me because they are out there playing. They must have earned that. They also have better clothes. They travel and go out. And I don’t. I am worse than them. No other kid was forbidden to go out and play. Only I was. And my sister.
Everyone out there is better than me and my family
Up until recent weeks I didn’t realize that this was my life credo. I was living my childhood story, over and over again. With every relationship, every partner, friend, boss or anybody who entered my life – my only pattern was “I am worse than you. So I have to cover it up as much as I can and prove the opposite”
And so I behaved correspondingly. Aggressive. Blaming. Needy.
“I can’t let them know that im worse!! Im good! See? Dont you see it? You really can’t see it? How else can I prove it to you?”
And the Universe patiently listened. “You need another chance to prove it! Got’ya!”.. “They don’t hear you!”, “Nobody sees how good you are!”
And so it sent me corresponding people. One after another.
Unavailable or same needy men. Betraying friends. Nobody ever “heard me”
Sometimes I prayed for better people, and so the Universe sent those too.
“What?? You love me?? Without any proof? Whom are you kidding!! Not interested” – was my usual response to them.
And the Universe was still listening. Kept on sending teachers to me. Tried to knock into my door and show me the other way. But I wasn’t interested. I didn’t care. I was too busy with proving to everyone how good I am and wondering why can’t I have “normal” friends..
It wasn’t until devastating heartbreak that I started to wake up. I was in unbearable pain for a long time…
Until one day I was fed up with suffering and refused to take it any longer. I literally screamed in tears to the Universe: “I can’t take it anymore! Show me something! Give me hope! What should I do with my life??”
I will remember that day forever. I cried out my pain. Calmed down. Turned on my laptop and with no obvious reason opened a book which I stored there for years and never opened before. The book is called “Conversations with God”. I started to read it from the middle. And one of the first phrases I’ve read was: “You are reading these words because you asked for it” … I got paralyzed…. And read the whole book in one breath.
Since then I believe in God. I believe that we receive what we ask for. I believe that there are no victims, no luck and no fate. There is deliberate creation. There are thoughts, which build up into thought patterns and end up as actions. There are intentions and the charge they bring. We do get what we want. Always.
But we are unable to receive it. We are unable to see what we’ve asked for. The negative thought patterns are so deep, that we don’t recognize when what we’ve asked for comes our way.
And so we get another lesson. Another negative experience to open our eyes. To understand what we want and to know that we are worthy of receiving it. Another reminder to change our belief system. Another lesson on self-love.
It all begins and ends with you. It’s not them. You believe that you aren’t worthy of what you asked for. And so you sabotage it. You blame others and push away good because you think you don’t deserve it. Or you attract bad because you think that this is the only thing you deserve. And you don’t understand it and keep on blaming yourself for attracting bad into you life, and so creating more guilt and unworthiness…It can go on forever.
But the Universe is smart. It will send you bad people. But you won’t listen. Then an accident. But you will blame that idiot who crashed your car. Then a severe disease. But you will blame God for being unfair to you. It will send you the worse experiences until you wake up. Until you realize your worthiness. Until you learn to love yourself. Until you stop pushing away what you have asked for. And start receiving with gratitude. And finally start loving.
It’s you. It’s always you. And always has been
❤ ❤ ❤ Love&peace to all who may read this ❤ ❤ ❤