Life balance

Balance. The ultimate goal. Ricky Lankford


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It’s me. It’s always me. And always has been

P1230157_newRelationships. Why do we make them so painful. Why do we still prefer war over love…

I had really difficult childhood. I lived in poverty, sometimes with no food, in constant fights, aggression, hatred, blame and pain. I grew up learning that I am nothing if I don’t get good grades. I was blamed, shamed and punished for every single step I made. Whether good or bad, it was always bad. Except for good grades. That mattered. And so I studied. I wasn’t allowed to play with other kids after school. At all. I was studying. And looking at them out of my window. I believed that they are better than me because they are out there playing. They must have earned that. They also have better clothes. They travel and go out. And I don’t. I am worse than them. No other kid was forbidden to go out and play. Only I was. And my sister.

Everyone out there is better than me and my family

Up until recent weeks I didn’t realize that this was my life credo. I was living my childhood story, over and over again. With every relationship, every partner, friend, boss or anybody who entered my life – my only pattern was “I am worse than you. So I have to cover it up as much as I can and prove the opposite”

And so I behaved correspondingly. Aggressive. Blaming. Needy.

“I can’t let them know that im worse!! Im good! See? Dont you see it? You really can’t see it? How else can I prove it to you?”

And the Universe patiently listened. “You need another chance to prove it! Got’ya!”.. “They don’t hear you!”, “Nobody sees how good you are!”

And so it sent me corresponding people. One after another.

Unavailable or same needy men. Betraying friends. Nobody ever “heard me”

Sometimes I prayed for better people, and so the Universe sent those too.

“What?? You love me?? Without any proof? Whom are you kidding!! Not interested” – was my usual response to them.

And the Universe was still listening. Kept on sending teachers to me. Tried to knock into my door and show me the other way. But I wasn’t interested. I didn’t care. I was too busy with proving to everyone how good I am and wondering why can’t I have “normal” friends..

It wasn’t until devastating heartbreak that I started to wake up. I was in unbearable pain for a long time…

Until one day I was fed up with suffering and refused to take it any longer. I literally screamed in tears to the Universe: “I can’t take it anymore! Show me something! Give me hope! What should I do with my life??”

I will remember that day forever. I cried out my pain. Calmed down. Turned on my laptop and with no obvious reason opened a book which I stored there for years and never opened before. The book is called “Conversations with God”. I started to read it from the middle. And one of the first phrases I’ve read was: “You are reading these words because you asked for it” … I got paralyzed…. And read the whole book in one breath.

Since then I believe in God. I believe that we receive what we ask for. I believe that there are no victims, no luck and no fate. There is deliberate creation. There are thoughts, which build up into thought patterns and end up as actions. There are intentions and the charge they bring. We do get what we want. Always.

But we are unable to receive it. We are unable to see what we’ve asked for. The negative thought patterns are so deep, that we don’t recognize when what we’ve asked for comes our way.

And so we get another lesson. Another negative experience to open our eyes. To understand what we want and to know that we are worthy of receiving it. Another reminder to change our belief system. Another lesson on self-love.

It all begins and ends with you. It’s not them. You believe that you aren’t worthy of what you asked for. And so you sabotage it. You blame others and push away good because you think you don’t deserve it. Or you attract bad because you think that this is the only thing you deserve. And you don’t understand it and keep on blaming yourself for attracting bad into you life, and so creating more guilt and unworthiness…It can go on forever.

But the Universe is smart. It will send you bad people. But you won’t listen. Then an accident. But you will blame that idiot who crashed your car. Then a severe disease. But you will blame God for being unfair to you. It will send you the worse experiences until you wake up. Until you realize your worthiness. Until you learn to love yourself. Until you stop pushing away what you have asked for. And start receiving with gratitude. And finally start loving.

It’s you. It’s always you. And always has been

❤ ❤ ❤ Love&peace to all who may read this ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 

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She’s got her power back

pexels-photo-573299You know. That special, attractive woman power. When you smile a lot and everything seems possible. When random strangers smile back at you and come and start conversation. When you feel excitement for life, and deep peace inside at the same time. When people around are charging from you and raising their own vibration and spirit. Magical, god-like, unstoppable power of love.

For a while she gave that power away to a man. A man which she thought is meant for her, and that she could not survive without him. When she gave away her power, she lost her shine and beauty. Her light got locked away in the cage of fear. Fear of loss and not being good enough. Her light drowned in the darkness of misery and self-pity.

And he felt it. He felt she can’t survive without him. And so he left, to prove her the opposite. He left, so that she could raise again. So that she finally learns not to let anybody on this planet have such control over her.

And she felt that it’s coming. She knew it’s inevitable. She had to go trough a place of deep loneliness again, as another reminder to love herself unconditionally and to hold on to her inner strength. To go within and find unshakable confidence despite any outside storms.

And so she’s got back up, shook off the dust and said  – Sorry, just lost my balance for a moment. So where we were?

She’s got her power back and hell, next time she won’t give it away so easily…

 


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Change your energy. Change the world

P1230295I believe in world peace. With all my heart I ‘ve come to realization that our planet can be healed. It’s not hopeless. It’s not over. Yes, wars, disasters, hatred – do exist. But it’s in our power to heal it with love and light. It is in power of each individual to start changing the world.

 And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Marianne Willamson

The energy you carry throughout the day is important. You are adding to the collective, and you choose whether it’s energy of love or destruction. Your daily choice is affecting people around you, and they carry it forward to their own environments. And then further, and further, until it covers up the whole planet. It’s a huge power and responsibility.

What kind of energy do you send out there daily?

Let your light shine and let it inspire others. Stand up on your both feet firmly, and scream to the world “I AM!!  And I’m not a victim! I AM amazing and powerful!”. Be that person you always wanted to be, it’s so easy! It is the easiest way of living – being that great person from your own dreams. Because when we live our authentic self – we are honoring what was given to us by the Universe, and we start to glow naturally. We start to feel alive. We start to see colors of the world and we start to spread love.

And it truly doesn’t matter where or in which circumstances you are. Start bringing love, joy and inspiration to everywhere you go. To the corporate work you hate so much, to the relationships which are half alive, to even the disease you might be facing at this moment.

By choosing to hide, stay in shadow, hate or play the victim – you are affirming to the Universe that this is the world you want to live in. And if billions people will affirm that – this is what we get as a planet.

I’ve always seen the unfairness and violence of the world, and I so wanted to change it. I felt sorry for people who have no access to clean water or food. Or for countries in war. Or women who have no rights and who are constantly abused. I felt sorry that I have more than they do. I was thankful I live in good conditions, but I felt overwhelmed from the thoughts that I can’t help them.

Me? One person? Against all the chaos out there? What can I possibly do???

I never realized how easy it is.  Just. Shine. Your. Light.

 


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More courage

More courage. Push. Face fears. Show yourself to the world. Stand up and see what happens. Embrace challenges. Love changes. Bring joy and meaning. Be engaged. Be confident you’ll figure it out. Acknowledge your progress. Admit small wins. Accept failures. The journey is a reward, not a destination. Living with passion is a choice, not a result.