Life balance

Balance. The ultimate goal. Ricky Lankford


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Feel the fear but do it anyway

pexels-photoWe are humans, and we are afraid. Afraid too much and too often. We are afraid of rejection, of failure, of success, of losing, of not corresponding to someone’s expectations, of being late, of being fat, unattractive, not enough, not loved, and not accepted. We are so afraid of everything that we simply choose not to act at all. And so we fail.

We stay where we are in life, because we are afraid to try something new and different. We are afraid to dream. What if it won’t happen? What if I fail? What if that person rejects me? What if they think Im crazy? What if …

It’s amazing how our brain can be creative in coming up with hundreds of excuses. It will tell you anything just so you leave it alone in its comfort zone. It is so nice here and familiar! i don’t want to take that leap of faith because I dont know what to expect there!

What if after that step my life will never be the same again?

Exactly. Your life will never be the same again if you choose to act. Your life will be much better. It will expand and show you that behind that scary line which you can’t seem to cross – your new-self is waiting for you. Nothing crashed. Nothing burned to ashes. Your life still goes on. But you are slightly different. Slightly more confident. Slightly more happy and proud that you did it despite the fear. 

And so you want more. And you do more, slightly less afraid each time. Now you know, that feeling fear is normal, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t act. You start choosing action over fear every single moment of your life. And your life starts to change.

It doesn’t mean you will never fail or never get rejected. It means that you stop caring about final result, because you know that it is not the end of the world. There will be another opportunity, another chance, another try. Your mindset starts shifting, and you simply take each failure as experience and the reason to try one more time.

We do these choices every day.

Should I tell that person how I feel or not? OMG but this is so scary, what if he/she doesn’t feel the same way and will think im an idiot??

Take a deep breath and calm down. And think. How will you ever know how she feels, if you don’t ask(or dont say how you feel) ? And even if she rejects you – what will happen? What is the worst case scenario? Nothing really will change!! Your life will still go on. But at least you won’t have a continuous battle inside your head – “Should I speak to her or not?” At least you will know that you did your best.

Every time you are facing the situation where you have to choose if to speak up / act or not – choose YES, and see what happens. Literally think to yourself – alright, I’ll let it all fail, crash and burn, I’m ready! And do it. Be that “different” person by simply being yourself and acting on your impulses and ideas. Do not suppress them. They are valid. They are same important as anyone’s else ideas. They make you you.

Do crazy things which normally you wouldn’t . Go for that trip you always wanted, but pretended you don’t have money for it. Take those classes for which you “never had time” before. Buy yourself that superexpensive purse/jeans/bike/car and see that your financial state did not get worse as you expected.

Act, try, fail, burn it all, start over, try again. Speak up and be ready to look stupid or strange. And see that nobody actually thinks about you that way. Everybody is obsessed with themselves so much that they don’t really care what you do or say. In fact, people will start respecting you more and taking you as example. They will feel that you are authentic, they will feel that you aren’t afraid to show yourself to the world.

Say YES to life, and life will say YES to you. It so will…


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You are worthy

pexels-photo-325468…Of the life you want. Of the things you desire. Of the people you love. Of each and every wish you have. No matter how you label them – crazy, unreachable , insane – you are so worthy of them. Life caused you to want them. They are important to you, and so they are important to the whole world. Don’t deny them, they are your reality. Embrace them. You have the right to want, and you have the right to receive . The Universe loves you unconditionally. It doesn’t matter who and where you are. You are worthy of love just because you came to this planet. Because you exist. Your existence is divine and pure. When you were a child – you knew it. Your life experiences caused you to forget . I know that. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading these lines.

It is time to remember who you are. Stand in your grace. Reclaim your power. You are not a victim. You are a powerful energy being, creator of your own reality. I was guided to write these lines to remind you about it. You have absolutely same rights for love, abundance and peace as any other human being. There is no such thing as luck. We choose our circumstances by ourselves before coming to this planet. We all are the energy. We came here to explore, play, want, receive, and feel happy about the process. Listen to your inner voice. It knows where to go. It knows where your light is. It knows what is best for you. You are safe.


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Meditation guide for beginners

First tip for any beginner: Do not get discouraged if you don’t get it right. Nobody does it from the first time.

I’ve started my practice few months ago and I often don’t get it right – my mind wanders, body can’t settle in a sit position, sounds from surroundings don’t let me focus. But I keep on  practicing – and I start to notice that each time its easier to let go of thoughts and tap into meditative state.

So where to start ? Which type of meditation to choose? How to prepare for it? I’ve put together quick guide:

1. No prior preparation required. Just start, right here, right now. Whenever you feel a call. Don’t wait for the evening or morning or until you buy the mat or candles. You can do it anywhere and anytime.

2. I recommend choosing guided meditations. The voice will guide you trough the process.

3. Choose very short ones – 5 to 15 minutes. Our mind is not used to stand still, it will be constantly interrupted by the to-do list , worries about partner or repeating over the events from the day. Start small, eventually your brain will adapt and ask for more.

4. Pay attention to your inner feedback – if that particular meditation doesn’t feel good – don’t do it

5. There are several ways to calm your mind: focusing on your breath, repeating mantras or visualizations. Visualization works best for me. But you can simply start by noticing your breath.

List of my favorite meditations:

There are tons of others on youtube and all over the internet. Search for them, try those which feel best, then try some other.

And really do not worry if its not perfect. Just do your best in learning this new skill. You may feel frustrated or awkward, but you will notice shifts in your thinking right from the start. This is your first step towards mindful living.


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More courage

More courage. Push. Face fears. Show yourself to the world. Stand up and see what happens. Embrace challenges. Love changes. Bring joy and meaning. Be engaged. Be confident you’ll figure it out. Acknowledge your progress. Admit small wins. Accept failures. The journey is a reward, not a destination. Living with passion is a choice, not a result.


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I quit smoking long time ago

… and Im never going back to it.

I have been a smoker for 10 years in total. With small and big breaks, from 1 day to 1 year. But I was never able to stop completely.  Sometimes it was just few cigarettes a day, but very often it was a pack or two daily…

I don’t smoke since almost a year, and the difference between now and my previous attempts is that I’m not just holding on as much as I can. I simply don’t want to smoke.

There are few things which helped me to realize how bad smoking actually is.

Terrible, disgusting smell and taste. Its like omg!! why it took me so long to realize how bad and disgusting I smell? My clothes, hair, skin, fingers, and the most my mouth – everything was stinking with tobacco instead of perfume or toothpaste! It is disgusting for both men and women, but for a woman it’s simply critical!!! We are born to smell nice and healthy, and instead I was choosing to stink like a homeless… And that aftertaste in my mouth.. oh god. It’s the worse..And my teeth! I never knew they can be so white, up until now… Generally speaking, picture of human being intentionally destroying his own flesh is disgusting. And it stinks.

The other thing which I realized – each time after smoking I felt like in clouds. Damn it, I’ ve got tired to feel like I’m drugged! Since I stopped smoking my mind is clear and focused again. Smoking is NOT HELPING TO CALM DOWN!!! It simply slows down your brain(and not only) processes by increasing blood pressure and changing blood flow. So the result is that you are not focusing on stress . You actually cant focus at all.

Sport is one of the things which can assist as well. I started running. Running and smoking don’t go together. Each time I went running I felt the smoke and pain in my lungs and throat. I could not breathe after few minutes of run, so at some point I had to choose. I chose health.

What also prevented me from quitting before – I needed breaks at work. At least each hour or two. And what you gonna do if you aren’t smoking? You can’t just wonder around like a ghost, and you can’t have a coffee every hour. So I ve decided that I will join smokers for a break but I will not smoke myself. It worked. After some time I simply reduced amount of breaks and didn’t have an urge to make one.

And of course. Money. However, prices for cigarettes do not seem to concern smokers at all. No matter how much they grow – the amount of smokers is not significantly changing. Now, that’s what I call persistence – no matter the price, we will find money! We wanna pay for killing our own health, and we are ready to pay a lot! This aspect never concerned me neither. I always had money for cigarettes!! But since I stopped I ve realized that each month I have extra bucks out of nowhere. That’s a pretty nice bonus of being healthy.

Quitting smoking doesn’t work with baby steps. Everything else in this world works – start reading 30 mins a day, waking up 10 mins  earlier, exercising for 15 mins. But quitting smoking has to happen at once. I never succeeded when I tried to reduce to 10, 5, 1 cigarette a day. 1 is close to 2, and 2 is close to 20. It won’t work. You have to decide to stop smoking once and for all.

Now each time someone offers a cigarette, or smokes around, reminding me of “my times” – I just tell to myself how badly I will stink, that I will feel drugged and I’ll have pain in throat and lungs. And on top of all I will feel guilt. No thanks, I will just have coffee 🙂


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Two concepts of love dependency

Lets start with one truth: we all suffered from love dependency. Everyone around you had it, has it now, or is going to have it any time soon.

I had it for many years. Starting at vulnerable age of 18 and continuing for the next decade. The guys and environments were changing, years passing,  but my behavior was stable – begging for love was my normal state.

It is only recently that I have realized that it’s gone. The need of drops of love from others has vanished. I do not need drama anymore and I live in peace. Now looking back at how I behaved and analyzing lessons I ve learned – I can say something useful about it.

Love dependency is supported by two concepts: no self-love and attachment to the outcome.

No self-love is an enormous disease of modern society. It comes from our childhood, when parents, siblings, teachers or friends didn’t pay enough attention to us, so we grew up with the thought that we are not enough.  That we are not worth of unconditional love, we have to work so hard to get it, compete with others, be outstanding for someone to notice us …  We dont love ourselves, so when we have some smallest drop of attention from other person – we hang on it like on drug. We want more. We gonna fight for it and get it, no matter what it takes, so we can again feel accepted, even if just for a short moment, even if there is only a promise of being loved.

The truth is – you are enough and worth of unconditional love no matter who you are, what you do and how you look like. But you don’t realize it. You think that love can come only from others, when in reality it starts from loving yourself.

Caring about yourself, doing things you like, eating healthy food, practicing yoga, sports, reading books, going for SPA , wearing nice clothes and accessories – everything is an indicator of how much you love yourself. Do you buy new clothes regularly, or you wear the same one until it has holes on it? Do you go for SPA/ massages often, or only when somebody gives it to you as a gift? Do you eat good food, or you are trying to save some money by buying cheap low-quality products?

There are thousands of materials out there in internet on the topic of self-love and self-care, so I wouldn’t like to repeat it all here. The point is to read and start doing them! When you rise your confidence by shaping up your body, wearing better clothes, having glowing skin  – you automatically start loving yourself. Meditations, affirmations, reading, drawing – anything what makes you feel good and helps you grow.

The second thing which makes us cling on someone – is attachment to the result. For example, we ve met that guy few weeks ago, he is so nice and charming, he seems to accept all of you with all your bullshits and craziness(again, its about desire for someone to accept us the way we are). He is definitely my soul mate!! How else it can be? Nobody else understood me so well before. HE IS THE ONE!

Usually we ignore 10000 signs that he is NOT the one. He is married(!) or has a partner, he is still studying and does not think about family (while you do), he has fun when drinking while you have fun when reading(or vise versa), he sees red where you see green. And that would be absolutely okay under different circumstances. But the problem is that you want it all! You want the final result, now and forever. You want to marry him or at least to have a commitment from him that he is planning to marry you! Or you want serious relationships. And he has to commit now otherwise you ll not survive!! And despite common idea that only girls are like that – guys are doing the same. Many guys wanted loud and clear commitment from me, which I didn’t want to give.

Why don’t we stop for a moment and enjoy the way things are? You have some sweet flirting going on with someone? Amazing! It is really nice that you have it!. Say to yourself – yes, with that person I have flirt. I may have it tomorrow or I may not. With other person I go for coffees. Or dinners. He is nice person so I really enjoy dinners with him! Tomorrow it might be another person to go for dinners with. Or maybe tomorrow I’ll just go shopping.

Don’t expect any outcome of any relationships. Don’t take each of them as “he is the one” thing. Life is not about coming to some final destination point, life is about experiencing new feelings, new people, new things. Even if you get to your “final epic top of the mountain” with that person – what then? Your life will stop? You will be ultimately happy and never want to meet other people again? Or you will meet another “the one” and cling on this idea with him now?

Since I ve realized these two simple things – self-love and no attachment to the outcome – all my relationships became so much easier. I never wait for “HIS” call anymore. I never secretly hope for “marring him and having 5 babies”. I m just really enjoying and being thankful for his/their presence in my life. It would be so boring without flirting, dating, smiles, sweet words and butterflies in the stomach. Definitely it’s a good thing, so just let it happen, and wait to see what’s gonna happen next.

Life is supposed to be joyful and easy. Leave drama for movies 🙂


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Create the life you want

If I could tell you only one thing about how to be successful – it would be “start doing”. Whether you believe in your success or not, whether you know where you gonna end up or not – DOING is what matters.

I have been struggling to understand this concept for years. All successful people and life coaches, all “smart” quotes kept repeating : “you don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step”; “Make a small step every day”;”Success is the doing, not the getting” etc

What on earth am I suppose to “DO” ? Where am I suppose to start and step on? Even if I had the picture of my perfect life – I’m gonna be rich and successful and respected. I will make big contribution to the world and people will appreciate and enjoy it. I will also be madly in love and be loved, I will have a lot of friends who adore and support me, I will ….- I had a lot of dreams but had no idea what can bring me to them.

So after years of researches, following countless blogs and lives of successful people – I’m finally starting to grasp the idea behind.

You don’t have to have spectacular idea, which all of a sudden will turn around your world and make you and everyone around happy. You don’t start making huge changes out of nothing. It’s like going to the gym – you don’t lift 50(60, 100) kg weights at once if you have never exercised before. You won’t make great world discoveries in mathematics or physics, if you haven’t learned how to count.

It’s absolutely the same with each aspect of your life. Whether it’s your career, love life or well-being in general -really, all you have to do is a small step forward, a decision to make something happen :  I’m going to change my life. I’m gonna wake up every morning charged, happy and excited about upcoming day. Because I love my perfect health, my outstanding beauty, my interesting job, my family, my friends, my car , my plants… Because I want this life and I deserve it.

Every single aspect of our life can be changed only if we decide to change it. After the decision  is taken we can set up some action plan – how I want it to look like and what am I going to do about it

My job doesn’t quite fit to my perfect vision. What am I gonna do about it? Why don’t I like it? Is it because I don’t bring enough value and contribution, or am I simply at the wrong job? Do I have to start pushing more at my current job, doing more than I am asked to, or should I change it? What it’s gonna be?

I don’t like my current relationships (or don’t have any). Why? Is it because I am too demanding, too depressive or negative towards other people? Is it because I’m afraid to attach? What can I change about my current situation? Do I have to end current lifeless relationships? Do I have to become a better person myself so I can attract more positive people?

What is happening with my health? Why I’m getting sick so often? What am I doing wrong? Am I eating bad food, have bad habits, don’t do sports, or maybe I’m speaking constantly about diseases, so they keep following me? What can I do about my current situation, finally get rid of that chronic cold, or learn to live with my situation if I cant change it?

Take a decision, question everything and make an action plan. I do that every day now. I finally understand the difference between “yeah, would be nice to have bunch of money, few cars, loving partner, house on the beach, …” and “I’m gonna live passionate, charged life, I will enjoy every moment of it, I will get everything I ever wanted because I deserve it”.

I can already see some small, but positive changes in my life. Job offers come along. Nice people appear here and there. I exercise every day and I love the way I look. I do not have any health issues. I can go on…

Our lives are fully in our hands, even if we don’t admit it. Let’s start building it properly 🙂