Life balance

Balance. The ultimate goal. Ricky Lankford


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Your dreams vs. dreams of others

 

What are your deepest heart desires? What makes you genuinely happy? What do YOU want from life?

My whole life I have been following dreams of others.

  • Everyone is losing weight – I have to do it too! (I have 49 kilos…)
  • Everyone learns programming – it will open all doors for me – Im gonna learn it too!
  • Everyone gets married by 25, 30, .. – I have to get married too!
  • Everyone buys a flat – damn, I still don’t have money for it – What am I going to do??? my life is over…

I never realized one simple truth. I don’t want all those things

I don’t want to buy a flat, Im not planning to stay here forever, or even if I will – it’s perfectly fine to rent a flat. Even if for the next 10 years. Even if my whole life. Maybe I will change my opinion later, but right now I DONT WANT TO BUY A FLAT.

I don’t want to just get married. I want to fall in love, have healthy and harmonious relationships, and then, and ONLY then I want to create a family. I DONT WANT FAMILY before having loving relationships.

Losing weight, oh God… With the weight of 48-50 kilo I was starving for weeks, going to the gym, and still thinking that Im fat.. Because everyone else seems to be fat too! Everybody goes to them gym to lose weight, so should I…

And damn it, I don’t want to code! Yes I am in IT. I studied Computer science. And everybody around me dreams to be a programmer. But that’s not my thing! I mean, I CAN code.  I am QUITE good at it. I was learning it for a while, when I managed to FORCE myself into it. I had to make an enormous effort to study. Programmers earn good money! There is no other way to earn good money but to code! My father would be proud of me! My friends would envy me! … But one day I simply gave myself permission to not be what everyone else wants. I don’t want to be a developer. period.

Such a relief..

When I stopped wanting what others want – I started to feel my own desires. And I started to follow them.

I want to be a writer. Maybe a life coach. Maybe corporate consultant or PR manager – I dont know yet. And it’s okay not to have it figured out. I enjoy every day of discovering who am I and what is my life purpose. Im getting closer to my true self by simply following my wishes.

I want to have a cat, to write, reach out, connect, help. Bring more light around me. I want to travel , to visit Asia. I don’t want to settle.

I want to have loving relationships WITH THAT SPECIFIC PERSON. UUf, such a tabu all over the internet – NEVER wish for a specific person. But I say – go ahead and wish. Do not deny your own desires, it will just cause destructive resistance inside of you. It did cause nearly a war inside of me!

– I want him!

– No, you can’t want him, it’s written in internet, didn’t you see it? You can’t!

– Ok, I don’t want him! ….. Damn, I still do want him.

– No,no, you can’t, he has free will and everything. you cant want what you want!

Until I finally surrendered and said to myself: Yes, I want HIM. But I’m opened to other options.

Another huge relief from my shoulders.

I AM ALLOWED TO WANT WHAT I WANT!!! 

Doesn’t it make you happy just by realizing this?

My life has dramatically changed since I let myself feel and put my desires first. I am real, and so my dreams are real too. They are valid, no matter how crazy, small, unimportant or unusual they may seem..

It’s okay not to be a programmer. It’s okay to be me.

 

 

 

 

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My plan is to laugh more

My plan is to make other people laugh more. To enjoy touch, kiss, kind word, to share stories .

To discover the world, to forget about fear, to get excited and excite others, to love deeply, to forgive fast.

I plan to play games, to win, to lose, to play another game, to invite others to play with me.

To love, thrive, grow, travel, pick new jobs, pick new hobbies.

To enjoy good food, to dissolve in passion, to go for a good run. To read a new book, to get a cat, to move to Asia.

To say nice things to people, to bring love, to light up someone’s day.

To get intimate, to feel homecoming, to feel secure.

To write a book, to shoot videos, to speak in front of thousands.

To get famous, to shine, to help shine others.

To have intimate conversations, to send love messages at 3am, to cook delicious breakfast for someone.

To get best coffees, visit best places, buy best clothes, watch best movies.

To have a bubble bath, to dance, to draw, to wear a perfume.

To believe in God, to believe in miracles, to believe in me, to believe in others.

To have family dinners, unforgettable trips, to learn how to swim, to try wind surfing.

My plan for life is to feel good and to love being me ❤ ❤ ❤

There is nothing serious going on here

 

<inspired by Abraham Hicks teachings>

 


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You are awesome

pexels-photo-415380Last weekend was very intensive for me. I’ve signed up for volunteering activity, where you have one kid from dysfunctional family assigned to you, and you spend time with him on a regular basis to support him morally and to try to make him feel better, not so lost and lonely…(something like “Big brother” program).

So over a weekend we had our initial meeting with 10 other volunteers (plus coordinators and psychologist),  from 9:00 to 18:00, on both Saturday and Sunday. We’ve got to know each other, told our stories and listened to the stories of kids which are in the program.

It was terrifying and.. enlightening…

Listening to horrible life stories of other volunteers. And even worse stories of innocent, but already abused kids…

After this weekend I will never be the same again.

My list of daily gratitudes sky rocketed. I finally realized that Im not the only one on this planet who has suffered as a child, and my story is far from being the “the world biggest victim” candidate . And that it’s okay to have terrible past. Most of us do. But there is ALWAYS someone who had much more on his plate than you did.

When I came there, I was sure I am the worse, the weakest, the most victimized, I still burst in tears when I speak about my family,  Im simply the worse!

But once volunteers started to speak their truth, one by one, almost crying, swallowing tears just not to make a scene in front of everybody… I realized how wrong I was.

Im not the worse. I am actually quite awesome.

One guy there was on the contrary super positive and happy, living easy life and smiling a lot. When psychologist asked him – what is the biggest thing you are proud of in your life? He said – What do you mean? Im proud of everything. I graduated university, I’ve got a job, I have a nice girlfriend, I’m doing sports and dancing and I am here to help kids in my free time.

What NOT to be proud of?

I loved this…
The next day my list of daily braggings sky rocketed too.

I am proud for overcoming my childhood story. For not being sorry, not blaming anyone anymore. For working my ass off daily to be a better person. To overcome deep traumas completely on my own. Without psychologist or friends. Turning from always-a-victim to always-in-power role. From self-pity to self-love.

Im proud for getting Master’s degree in Computer science with red diploma. For helping classmates with math and programming. For living in a foreign country completely alone. For getting jobs, earning decent money, saving enough so that I can travel or buy nice things. Learning several languages, doing sports, helping people in my free time, giving money for charities, supporting my friends and family when they need me, loving deeply and fearlessly.

I am proud for cleaning my flat when I am ill. For going to work when not feeling well. For going for a run when it’s raining or too hot. Going biking when my knee still hurts from the injury. For taking care of my body, trying hard to eat healthy.

I’m proud for quitting smoking and drinking. For signing up for amazing coaching course, and having money to pay for it. For my writing skills, and for ability to inspire others.

I am proud to be me. Im proud to be where I am and to have what I have. I did it. I got it.

ALL. BY. MYSELF

So often we focus on the things which go wrong, and we forget to acknowledge what goes right. Give yourself a break. You are doing great.

Count your blessings. Count your achievements. Focus on how wonderful you perform. Recognize your smallest wins, there is so much to thank yourself for. Everybody is trying so hard, every day more, every day harder. But it’s never enough for us.

Please take a break. You are worthy of your own love. Take a break from chasing your next goal just to feel appreciated by others, and start appreciating yourself.

And realize how unspeakably awesome you already are.

 

 

 

 


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It’s not what you need right now

earth-spaceThis feeling. When you really really want something and dream about it day and night. And it’s not coming… When you’ve read hundreds of articles on manifesting your desires. You know how the Universe works, you know that you create your reality… You think you know it all, you’ve done the work, but it’s still nowhere close. Your deepest, truest desire is simply not coming.

You start doubting yourself, the whole Law of attraction thing, and everyone who believes in it. You start trying to trick the Universe with “So don’t bring it to me!! Never really wanted it anyway!! ” And thinking – “You see, I’ve surrendered! I have detached from the outcome! This is what was written in books! I did it well!“. And hoping: “Now it’s gonna come for sure…

Damn, it’s still not coming, what a hell???

Am I doing it wrong? Or did all those people who tell their manifestation stories just go mad and lost connection with reality? Are those people even real?

You start doubting everything, but deep down you know the truth. The thing with spiritual awakening is that when you start the process – there is no way back. Your soul gets stronger every day, and with every day it makes it harder for your ego to take back control.

You know the truth.

Your desire is not coming because it’s not what you really want. It’s not what you need, right now or at all.

It might be that you want that specific person because he/she made you feel so loved and blessed, that you want that feeling back. Or because you think he will make you feel that way.

You think you want that job, but in fact you want it because everyone goes there. Because everyone who works on this position feels proud of himself. It is prestigious and well paid, and if you don’t get it, while your friends/collegues did – you will look like a failure. You want to feel successful, but it doesn’t mean you want that job.

Your desires are valid, and your desires to feel in a certain way are valid too.

But what if you are simply not ready for what you’ve asked for?

What if, the moment that guy will walk into your door – you will start screaming and yelling at him that he never loved you and that he should walk away.

What if you get that job, but you can’t handle the pressure it puts on you? And in fact, you never wanted to work in pressure no matter how much they pay or how good you’ll look in the eyes of others?

What if behind that deepest desire of yours lies simple longing to feel wanted. Valuable. Loved. And your mind knows the only way – trough that particular job or that specific person.

But the Universe has so much more to offer. You never really lose. You are never rejected. You are being redirected and given an opportunity to look around and receive a better match to what you’ve asked for. Or sometimes to receive a middle step, a stepping stone on the way to your desire. To prepare you for receiving it. To grow and understand the things which will help you to handle it when your dream comes around.

Don’t rush the Universe. Don’t try to trick it. It knows what is best for you at this moment. It knows what you really long for. It knows how to deliver. Sit back in stillness and see what comes next.

Release control to God and let Him guide you trough the process. Pray:

“Dear God. If you want this desire for me – show me what to do”

Gabrielle Bernstein

 

And trust that whatever comes – is for your own good, and for the good of  the whole world.

“Everything always works out for me and my own good

My favorite life&career coach Mo

❤ Believe ❤


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It’s me. It’s always me. And always has been

P1230157_newRelationships. Why do we make them so painful. Why do we still prefer war over love…

I had really difficult childhood. I lived in poverty, sometimes with no food, in constant fights, aggression, hatred, blame and pain. I grew up learning that I am nothing if I don’t get good grades. I was blamed, shamed and punished for every single step I made. Whether good or bad, it was always bad. Except for good grades. That mattered. And so I studied. I wasn’t allowed to play with other kids after school. At all. I was studying. And looking at them out of my window. I believed that they are better than me because they are out there playing. They must have earned that. They also have better clothes. They travel and go out. And I don’t. I am worse than them. No other kid was forbidden to go out and play. Only I was. And my sister.

Everyone out there is better than me and my family

Up until recent weeks I didn’t realize that this was my life credo. I was living my childhood story, over and over again. With every relationship, every partner, friend, boss or anybody who entered my life – my only pattern was “I am worse than you. So I have to cover it up as much as I can and prove the opposite”

And so I behaved correspondingly. Aggressive. Blaming. Needy.

“I can’t let them know that im worse!! Im good! See? Dont you see it? You really can’t see it? How else can I prove it to you?”

And the Universe patiently listened. “You need another chance to prove it! Got’ya!”.. “They don’t hear you!”, “Nobody sees how good you are!”

And so it sent me corresponding people. One after another.

Unavailable or same needy men. Betraying friends. Nobody ever “heard me”

Sometimes I prayed for better people, and so the Universe sent those too.

“What?? You love me?? Without any proof? Whom are you kidding!! Not interested” – was my usual response to them.

And the Universe was still listening. Kept on sending teachers to me. Tried to knock into my door and show me the other way. But I wasn’t interested. I didn’t care. I was too busy with proving to everyone how good I am and wondering why can’t I have “normal” friends..

It wasn’t until devastating heartbreak that I started to wake up. I was in unbearable pain for a long time…

Until one day I was fed up with suffering and refused to take it any longer. I literally screamed in tears to the Universe: “I can’t take it anymore! Show me something! Give me hope! What should I do with my life??”

I will remember that day forever. I cried out my pain. Calmed down. Turned on my laptop and with no obvious reason opened a book which I stored there for years and never opened before. The book is called “Conversations with God”. I started to read it from the middle. And one of the first phrases I’ve read was: “You are reading these words because you asked for it” … I got paralyzed…. And read the whole book in one breath.

Since then I believe in God. I believe that we receive what we ask for. I believe that there are no victims, no luck and no fate. There is deliberate creation. There are thoughts, which build up into thought patterns and end up as actions. There are intentions and the charge they bring. We do get what we want. Always.

But we are unable to receive it. We are unable to see what we’ve asked for. The negative thought patterns are so deep, that we don’t recognize when what we’ve asked for comes our way.

And so we get another lesson. Another negative experience to open our eyes. To understand what we want and to know that we are worthy of receiving it. Another reminder to change our belief system. Another lesson on self-love.

It all begins and ends with you. It’s not them. You believe that you aren’t worthy of what you asked for. And so you sabotage it. You blame others and push away good because you think you don’t deserve it. Or you attract bad because you think that this is the only thing you deserve. And you don’t understand it and keep on blaming yourself for attracting bad into you life, and so creating more guilt and unworthiness…It can go on forever.

But the Universe is smart. It will send you bad people. But you won’t listen. Then an accident. But you will blame that idiot who crashed your car. Then a severe disease. But you will blame God for being unfair to you. It will send you the worse experiences until you wake up. Until you realize your worthiness. Until you learn to love yourself. Until you stop pushing away what you have asked for. And start receiving with gratitude. And finally start loving.

It’s you. It’s always you. And always has been

❤ ❤ ❤ Love&peace to all who may read this ❤ ❤ ❤

 

 


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She’s got her power back

pexels-photo-573299You know. That special, attractive woman power. When you smile a lot and everything seems possible. When random strangers smile back at you and come and start conversation. When you feel excitement for life, and deep peace inside at the same time. When people around are charging from you and raising their own vibration and spirit. Magical, god-like, unstoppable power of love.

For a while she gave that power away to a man. A man which she thought is meant for her, and that she could not survive without him. When she gave away her power, she lost her shine and beauty. Her light got locked away in the cage of fear. Fear of loss and not being good enough. Her light drowned in the darkness of misery and self-pity.

And he felt it. He felt she can’t survive without him. And so he left, to prove her the opposite. He left, so that she could raise again. So that she finally learns not to let anybody on this planet have such control over her.

And she felt that it’s coming. She knew it’s inevitable. She had to go trough a place of deep loneliness again, as another reminder to love herself unconditionally and to hold on to her inner strength. To go within and find unshakable confidence despite any outside storms.

And so she’s got back up, shook off the dust and said  – Sorry, just lost my balance for a moment. So where we were?

She’s got her power back and hell, next time she won’t give it away so easily…

 


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Change your energy. Change the world

P1230295I believe in world peace. With all my heart I ‘ve come to realization that our planet can be healed. It’s not hopeless. It’s not over. Yes, wars, disasters, hatred – do exist. But it’s in our power to heal it with love and light. It is in power of each individual to start changing the world.

 And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Marianne Willamson

The energy you carry throughout the day is important. You are adding to the collective, and you choose whether it’s energy of love or destruction. Your daily choice is affecting people around you, and they carry it forward to their own environments. And then further, and further, until it covers up the whole planet. It’s a huge power and responsibility.

What kind of energy do you send out there daily?

Let your light shine and let it inspire others. Stand up on your both feet firmly, and scream to the world “I AM!!  And I’m not a victim! I AM amazing and powerful!”. Be that person you always wanted to be, it’s so easy! It is the easiest way of living – being that great person from your own dreams. Because when we live our authentic self – we are honoring what was given to us by the Universe, and we start to glow naturally. We start to feel alive. We start to see colors of the world and we start to spread love.

And it truly doesn’t matter where or in which circumstances you are. Start bringing love, joy and inspiration to everywhere you go. To the corporate work you hate so much, to the relationships which are half alive, to even the disease you might be facing at this moment.

By choosing to hide, stay in shadow, hate or play the victim – you are affirming to the Universe that this is the world you want to live in. And if billions people will affirm that – this is what we get as a planet.

I’ve always seen the unfairness and violence of the world, and I so wanted to change it. I felt sorry for people who have no access to clean water or food. Or for countries in war. Or women who have no rights and who are constantly abused. I felt sorry that I have more than they do. I was thankful I live in good conditions, but I felt overwhelmed from the thoughts that I can’t help them.

Me? One person? Against all the chaos out there? What can I possibly do???

I never realized how easy it is.  Just. Shine. Your. Light.